First-Time Club — One Brand-New Thing

A small family ritual of deliberately doing something neither of you has done before — tiny, safe, and chosen by the child. The aim is to make “I’ve never tried that” sound like an invitation instead of a reason to say no.

  1. Make a menu of firsts. Together, think of small things the child has never done and draw each on a slip of paper — walk home a different way, eat dinner with chopsticks, draw with the “other” hand, wash the car, phone a relative themselves, try a new game, listen to music from another country, climb a different climbing frame.
  2. Let the child choose. Offer two or three slips and let them pick. Choosing is what makes it theirs.
  3. Preview it. Say briefly what will happen and what might feel odd — “The chopsticks will be wobbly at first. That’s what new feels like.”
  4. Do it together. You try it too, including the clumsy part. A small try counts — one bite, one minute, one go.
  5. Talk about it afterwards. “What was it like? Was anything different from what you expected? Would you do it again?” Any answer is fine, including “no.”
  6. Record the first. Stick the slip on a “First-Time Club” page or drop a bead in a jar, so the collection of things-tried grows visibly.

Variation: Mystery first — the child draws a slip without looking. Grown-up’s first — the child picks something new for you to try and coaches you through it. Second-time club — go back to something that was only so-so the first time and see if it feels different.

Requirements

  • Space: Depends on the chosen first; most happen at home or on an ordinary outing
  • Surface: Whatever the chosen activity needs
  • Materials: Paper slips and pencil for the menu; a jar or a page to collect completed firsts; everyday items for the chosen activity
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; works well with the whole family choosing one first each
  • Supervision: Moderate — adult vets the menu for safety and joins in

Rationale & Objective

Willingness to try unfamiliar things is named directly in the main early-learning frameworks. Head Start ELOF’s Initiative and Curiosity sub-domain (Goals P-ATL 10 and 11) covers showing initiative and interest in new experiences; the UK EYFS Characteristics of Effective Learning list “being willing to have a go” under playing and exploring; and Teaching Strategies GOLD Objectives 11d and 11e describe a child who shows eagerness to learn about new things and flexibility in thinking. Children differ temperamentally in how they meet novelty — Thomas and Chess’s classic work describes “slow-to-warm-up” children who approach new situations cautiously and adapt with repeated, unpressured exposure. That is why this activity keeps the firsts small, lets the child choose, previews what will happen, and has the adult take part: these are the same supports NAEYC’s developmentally appropriate practice guidance describes for stretching children just beyond what they already do comfortably. Being curious pays off — in a large US birth cohort, Shah and colleagues (2018) found that parent-rated curiosity was associated with higher kindergarten reading and maths achievement, with the strongest link among children from lower-income families. Honest note — that study is correlational, and nobody has shown that a “firsts” ritual raises achievement; what it reliably gives is practice at approaching the unfamiliar with support.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: refuses most suggestions or agrees only to things that are barely new; watches the adult try first; needs a lot of reassurance and may stop after a few seconds
  • Developing: chooses from the menu with some hesitation; tries the new thing briefly with the adult alongside; says whether they liked it
  • Proficient: picks a first willingly, stays with the clumsy stage for a few minutes, describes how it differed from what they expected, and adds ideas of their own to the menu
  • Advanced: seeks out firsts unprompted (“I’ve never done that — can I try?”), chooses things that are a real stretch, returns to something that went badly for a second go, and encourages a sibling or friend to try

Safety Notes

  • The adult vets every slip — “new” must never mean unsafe (no new heights, water, tools, foods with allergy risk, or roads without the usual supervision)
  • Never force, bribe or shame a child into a first. Being allowed to say “not today” is what makes it safe to say yes next time; offer a smaller version instead
  • Avoid choosing firsts when the child is tired, hungry or already unsettled by a change in routine
  • For new foods, follow your family’s allergy precautions and cut food to a safe size
  • A child who is intensely distressed by any change or novelty, in a way that limits daily life, may benefit from a conversation with a paediatrician or child psychologist — a ritual like this is not a treatment for anxiety

Hints

  • Playfulness: give the club a secret handshake and a motto (“Never done it? Let’s see!”). Announce each first like a sports commentator — “For the very first time in history, Leo… holds a chopstick!”
  • Sustain interest: refill the menu every few weeks, and invite grandparents and friends to post in a slip. Count the jar at the end of each month — the pile of beads is its own reward
  • Common mistake: making the firsts too big or choosing them for the child. “Sleep at a friend’s house” is a milestone, not a slip. Good firsts take five minutes and can be abandoned without anyone minding
  • Limited space: plenty of firsts need none — sit in a different chair at dinner, brush teeth with the other hand, listen to a new kind of music, say hello in a new language, read a book from the back shelf nobody opens
  • Cross-domain: talking about how it felt builds emotional vocabulary; predicting and then comparing (“I thought it would be sour”) is early scientific thinking; many firsts are motor or self-care skills in disguise (peeling an egg, using a whisk)
  • Progression: adult goes first, child watches → both try together → child tries first → child proposes the firsts → child takes on a first that needs several goes before it works (riding a scooter one-footed, a new card game)

Sources

  • Head Start ELOF — Approaches to Learning, Initiative and Curiosity sub-domain (Goals P-ATL 10 and P-ATL 11)
  • UK EYFS — Characteristics of Effective Learning, playing and exploring (“being willing to have a go”)
  • Teaching Strategies GOLD — Objectives 11d (shows curiosity and motivation) and 11e (shows flexibility and inventiveness in thinking)
  • Thomas, A. & Chess, S. (1977), Temperament and Development — approach/withdrawal and the “slow-to-warm-up” pattern
  • Shah, Weeks, Richards & Kaciroti (2018), “Early childhood curiosity and kindergarten reading and math academic achievement,” Pediatric Research, 84(3)
  • NAEYC (2020), Developmentally Appropriate Practice position statement