Knock-Knock Openers — Starting a Chat

A rehearsal game with soft toys in which the child practises three friendly ways to start a conversation, then tries one for real.

  1. Set up two or three soft toys “busy playing” — one building with blocks, one having a tea party, one looking at a book.

  2. Explain that starting a chat is like knocking on a door. First you get close and say their name (“Hi, Bear!”) and wait for them to look.

  3. Then use one of three openers. Model each one with a toy:

    • Notice — say something about what they are doing: “Wow, that tower is tall.”
    • Ask — a question about it: “What are you building?”
    • Offer — bring something to the play: “I’ve got more blocks. Want some?”

  4. The child visits each toy and tries an opener. You voice the toy’s reply so the chat continues for a turn or two.

  5. Sometimes have a toy answer, “Not right now.” Practise the calm follow-up together: “OK — maybe later,” and try a different toy.

  6. Agree on one small real-life mission for the day: use an opener with a cousin, a neighbour, or a child at the playground. Talk about how it went afterwards.

Variation: swap roles — the child voices the busy toy and you play a clumsy newcomer who barges in and grabs; ask the child to coach you on a better knock.

Requirements

  • Space: A corner of a room
  • Surface: Floor or a low table
  • Materials: 2–3 soft toys or dolls and a few props (blocks, cups, a book)
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child for rehearsal; other children for the real-life mission
  • Supervision: Full participation during rehearsal; light, at a distance, during the real-life try

Rationale & Objective

Initiating conversations with peers and adults is a listed example for this subdomain, and “initiates conversation with a peer during free play” is one of its measurements. Corsaro’s observational work in nursery schools showed that getting into other children’s play is genuinely hard — first attempts are often rebuffed — and that children who succeed tend to approach, watch, and then say or do something that fits the play already under way, rather than interrupting it. The three openers here (notice, ask, offer) are all of that fitting kind. Peer-interaction programmes such as the “stay, play, talk” buddy training of English, Goldstein and colleagues (1997) show that young children can be directly taught simple steps — stay near, play together, talk to your buddy — and that doing so increases social-communicative exchanges. Rehearsing a calm response to “not now” protects confidence, since being turned down sometimes is normal.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: hovers near other children without speaking, or starts by grabbing or talking about something unrelated; needs the adult to speak for them
  • Developing: uses a name and one rehearsed opener with toys and familiar adults; tries with a peer when prompted just beforehand
  • Proficient: starts a chat with a peer at least once in a play session without prompting; chooses an opener that fits what the other child is doing
  • Advanced: follows the opener with a second turn to keep the chat going; shrugs off “not now” and tries elsewhere; helps a shyer child join in

Safety Notes

  • Never force a child to approach another child or adult; temperament varies, and slow-to-warm children need more rehearsals and smaller missions
  • Pair this with your family’s rules about unfamiliar adults — openers are for children at play and for adults you have said are safe
  • Stay within sight for playground missions, and step in if the other child responds roughly
  • Do not coach from the sidelines in front of peers; debrief privately afterwards
  • If a child consistently speaks freely at home but not at all in preschool or with other children for more than a month, ask your pediatrician about selective mutism

Hints

  • Playfulness: actually knock on a table before each visit and have the toy call “Who’s there?” Give the toys funny voices and strong opinions
  • Sustain interest: change what the toys are doing each time (camping, cooking, fixing a car) so the child has to invent fresh openers
  • Common mistake: teaching “Can I play?” as the only opener. It is the easiest line to answer with “no”; noticing or offering works far more often
  • Limited space: rehearse with two fingers as puppets, or with characters in a picture book (“What could she say to those children?”)
  • Cross-domain: reading whether a toy “looks busy or ready” is emotion and body-language reading; coping with “not now” is frustration tolerance; offering blocks is sharing
  • Progression: openers with toys → with a parent who is busy cooking → with a familiar child at home → with a new child at the playground → opener plus a follow-up question

Sources

  • Corsaro, W.A. (1979), “‘We’re Friends, Right?’: Children’s Use of Access Rituals in a Nursery School,” Language in Society, 8(2–3), 315–336
  • English, K., Goldstein, H., Shafer, K. & Kaczmarek, L. (1997), “Promoting Interactions Among Preschoolers With and Without Disabilities: Effects of a Buddy Skills-Training Program,” Exceptional Children, 63(2), 229–243
  • Head Start ELOF — Language and Communication, Goal P-LC 4; Social and Emotional Development (relationships with other children)
  • CASEL — Relationship Skills competency (communicating effectively, developing positive relationships)
  • Teaching Strategies GOLD — Objective 10a (engages in conversations)
  • ASHA Practice Portal — Social Communication Disorder (initiating conversation as a social-communication skill)