Thumbs Poll — Same Thing, Different Feelings

A family voting game that shows the same event can make different people feel different things — and that nobody’s feeling is the “wrong” one.

  1. Gather two or more people (soft toys can vote too, with the child deciding for them). Lay out three or four feeling faces drawn on paper — happy, scared, disgusted, excited — or just agree to show the feeling with your face.
  2. Call out an event: “A big dog runs up to you!” On “one, two, three, show!” everyone points to a face or makes one.
  3. Look around. “Daddy is happy — he loves dogs. You look scared. Granny is surprised.” Ask each voter why.
  4. Say the big idea out loud: “Same dog — different feelings. Both are OK.”
  5. Play more rounds: thunder, a plate of mushrooms, jumping into a pool, a very loud party, going on stage, a spider in the bath, snow in the morning.

Variation: Guess before the vote — before anyone shows, the child predicts how one person will feel (“I think Mummy will say yuck to the mushrooms”), then checks whether they were right.

Requirements

  • Space: Table or sofa where everyone can see one another
  • Surface: Any
  • Materials: Optional — 3–4 hand-drawn feeling faces; soft toys as extra voters
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child minimum; best with 3–5 family members
  • Supervision: Light — adult calls the events and keeps the tone accepting

Rationale & Objective

Understanding that the same event can cause different feelings in different people is listed directly in the subdomain and is a real step up from basic labelling. Denham’s (1986) affect knowledge tasks test it by having a puppet feel the opposite of what the child would feel in a situation — happy to see a big dog, for example. Pons, Harris & de Rosnay (2004) treat grasping that feelings depend on what a person wants and likes as a component of emotion understanding in its own right, alongside understanding feelings based on beliefs and memories. The live poll makes the idea visible in seconds, and asking “why?” ties each feeling to that person’s own likes, fears and experiences. It also carries a quiet acceptance message echoed in the Polish core curriculum and CASEL — all people have feelings, and different feelings about the same thing are normal.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: assumes everyone feels what they feel; surprised or insistent when others vote differently (“No! Dogs ARE scary!”)
  • Developing: accepts different votes; can report who felt what; explains differences only with help (“because… Daddy is big?”)
  • Proficient: explains differences by what each person likes or fears (“Daddy likes dogs, I don’t know that dog”); predicts a familiar person’s feeling correctly in most rounds
  • Advanced: predicts feelings for people or characters they know less well; notes that their own feeling could change (“I’d be happy if it was Grandma’s dog”); invents events that will split the vote

Safety Notes

  • Low physical risk; the main caution is emotional — never tease or let siblings tease anyone for being scared or disgusted by something others enjoy
  • Do not use the game to argue a child out of a fear (“see, nobody else is scared”) — the message is that different feelings are acceptable, not that theirs is mistaken
  • Choose everyday events; avoid topics tied to a child’s real, strong fears until they bring them up themselves
  • If a child shows intense distress just hearing about an ordinary event (dogs, storms, loud places) and it limits daily life, talk to your pediatrician

Hints

  • Playfulness: use a drum-roll and a big reveal. Let the child be the quiz host with a spoon microphone. Add a ridiculous event now and then — “an elephant sits on the sofa!”
  • Sustain interest: let each player bring one event per round; play at dinner with real foods on the table; keep a “split vote” trophy for the event that got the most different feelings
  • Common mistake: adults all voting the same way to keep things simple. Vote honestly — the differences are the whole point — and give your real reason
  • Limited space: play with just two of you plus two soft toys whose feelings the child decides and explains
  • Cross-domain: count the votes and compare more/fewer (numeracy); make a simple tally or picture graph (early data); explaining “why” builds reasoning language; predicting others’ feelings exercises theory of mind
  • Progression: show and notice differences → explain your own vote → explain someone else’s → predict before the vote → predict for story characters → discuss how one person’s feeling might change in a different situation

Sources

  • Denham, S.A. (1986), “Social cognition, prosocial behavior, and emotion in preschoolers: Contextual validation,” Child Development
  • Pons, F., Harris, P.L. & de Rosnay, M. (2004), “Emotion comprehension between 3 and 11 years: Developmental periods and hierarchical organization,” European Journal of Developmental Psychology
  • Harris, P.L. (1989), Children and Emotion: The Development of Psychological Understanding, Blackwell
  • Polish Podstawa Programowa wychowania przedszkolnego (2017) — emotional area (knows that all people experience pleasant and unpleasant emotions)
  • CASEL — Self-Awareness and Social Awareness competencies
  • UK EYFS — Personal, Social & Emotional Development (understanding of their own feelings and those of others)