Different Tastes, Different Wishes

A low-key everyday game built on the easiest first rung of theory of mind — understanding that other people want and like different things than you do. The child guesses what someone else would choose (not what they themselves want), then checks against reality. For a 5-year-old this is a confidence-builder and a springboard toward the harder idea that people also think and believe different things.

  1. Name your own different tastes first. Cheerfully, out loud: “I LOVE broccoli — yum! But you think it’s yucky. Funny, we like different things!” Making “different wants” safe and explicit is the whole foundation.
  2. Play “What would THEY pick?” Put two real choices side by side — a loud drum vs. a quiet book, banana vs. apple. “You’d grab the drum. But Grandpa likes peace and quiet — which would HE pick?” The child has to set their own preference aside and reason from the other person’s.
  3. Check it. Where you can, find out the real answer (“let’s ask Grandpa”). Real feedback is what makes the lesson stick.
  4. Sort by person. With a handful of objects or pictures, sort into “things I like / things my brother likes / things the baby likes.” Talk through the overlaps and the differences.
  5. Choose a gift for someone else’s taste. “We’re picking a treat for the cat. Do we choose what YOU like, or what the cat likes?” Choosing for another’s preference is the core move.
  6. Bridge toward “what they think.” Once desires are easy, nudge into beliefs: “You know it’s a sock in the box. Does Teddy know? What will he GUESS?” — the next rung up.

Variation: Guess-What-I’d-Pick — let the child predict YOUR choice and be delighted when they get it right. Shopping Detective — at the shop, predict which fruit each family member will choose. Character Tastes — “What would Cookie Monster want? What would a rabbit want?”

Requirements

  • Space: Anywhere — kitchen table, shop, car
  • Surface: N/A
  • Materials: None required; any two everyday objects, foods, or toys to choose between; optional pictures to sort
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; works with siblings and at family meals
  • Supervision: Adult-led conversational game

Rationale & Objective

“Diverse desires” — understanding that two people can want different things about the same object — is the earliest and easiest step on the theory-of-mind ladder and the entry point to all later perspective-taking. Wellman & Liu’s (2004) scaling study established a reliable developmental sequence (diverse desires → diverse beliefs → knowledge access → false belief → hidden emotion), with desires understood first, typically around age 3. Repacholi & Gopnik’s (1997) classic “broccoli and crackers” study showed even toddlers can, in simple settings, hand an adult the food the adult preferred rather than their own favourite — though that precocious-infant finding has not replicated cleanly (Ruffman et al., 2018), so the honest claim is that desire-reasoning consolidates across the preschool years. Talk about desires is also the natural scaffold: Taumoepeau & Ruffman (2006, 2008) found that mothers’ talk about wants and likes predicted children’s later mental-state language and emotion understanding. Honest framing — most 5-year-olds already “get” diverse desires, so treat this as warm-up and as a bridge to the genuinely harder idea that people also believe and know different things; it is a floor to stand on, not the summit.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: assumes everyone wants what they want — gives Grandpa the loud toy because they like it; surprised that anyone dislikes a favourite food
  • Developing: with a reminder (“but Grandpa likes quiet”) can pick the other person’s choice; reasons about diverse desires for familiar people and stated likes, but defaults to own preference otherwise
  • Proficient: spontaneously and reliably predicts that different people like different things, including for less-familiar people; chooses a gift or snack by the recipient’s taste, not their own
  • Advanced: coordinates wants with knowledge and belief (“she WANTS the cookie but doesn’t KNOW it’s in the other jar”); explains why tastes differ; handles conflicting preferences in a group

Safety Notes

  • Keep any food play pressure-free — this is about talking about likes and dislikes, never about coercing a child to taste or eat something
  • Respect genuine sensory or food aversions; don’t use a child’s real dislikes to tease
  • Frame difference as neutral and interesting (“isn’t it cool we’re all different?”), never as one taste being better or a sibling’s preference being wrong
  • Don’t over-drill a skill the child already has — fold it into meals and play rather than quizzing
  • Vary the “other mind” — use siblings, grandparents, pets, and characters, not only the parent

Hints

  • Playfulness: let the child stump you (“what would I pick?!”); use favourite characters with obvious tastes (“what would Cookie Monster want?”)
  • Sustain interest: make it a recurring bit at meals and in shops; rotate the people and the objects so it stays a guessing game, not a worksheet
  • Common mistake: turning it into a food-eating battle; only ever using yourself as the ‘other person’; stopping at desires and never bridging to think / know
  • Limited materials: purely verbal works — “if we got ice cream, what flavour would Auntie pick?”
  • Cross-domain: emotional literacy (others have different inner worlds); vocabulary (prefer, favourite, instead, opposite); prosocial giving (choosing for someone else’s benefit); early sorting and categorising (maths)
  • Progression: name your own different tastes → guess a familiar person’s choice with a cue → predict independently → choose a gift for another’s taste → bridge to “what do they think / know?”

Sources

  • Wellman, H. M. & Liu, D. (2004). “Scaling of theory-of-mind tasks.” Child Development, 75(2), 523–541
  • Repacholi, B. M. & Gopnik, A. (1997). “Early reasoning about desires: Evidence from 14- and 18-month-olds.” Developmental Psychology, 33(1), 12–21
  • Ruffman, T., Aitken, J., Wilson, A., Puri, A. & Taumoepeau, M. (2018). “A re-examination of the broccoli task: Implications for children’s understanding of subjective desire.” Cognitive Development, 46, 79–85
  • Taumoepeau, M. & Ruffman, T. (2006). “Mother and infant talk about mental states relates to desire language and emotion understanding.” Child Development, 77(2), 465–481
  • Taumoepeau, M. & Ruffman, T. (2008). “Stepping stones to others’ minds: Maternal talk relates to child mental state language and emotion understanding at 15, 24, and 33 months.” Child Development, 79(2), 284–302
  • Bartsch, K. & Wellman, H. M. (1995). Children Talk About the Mind. Oxford University Press
  • CASEL — Social Awareness (taking others’ perspectives; showing concern for others’ feelings)
  • UK EYFS — PSED, Building Relationships ELG (show sensitivity to their own and to others’ needs)
  • Head Start ELOF — Social & Emotional (recognizes self as a unique individual with own interests; recognizes and responds to others’ emotions)