Playing It Out — Re-enacting Real Life

Children rehearse and digest the big and small events of their lives by playing them out — a trip to the doctor, a haircut, a new baby, the first day of school, a thunderstorm. Give the child a doll or a few stuffed animals (or just join them in role), follow their lead, and let them be the one in charge of the story this time. A frightening or confusing experience becomes manageable when the child gets to direct it, repeat it, and even give it a new ending.

  1. Offer a gentle opening tied to something real and recent (or coming up): set out a toy doctor kit, or say “shall we play dentists? Teddy has a wobbly tooth.”

  2. Let the child take the powerful role — the doctor, the parent, the teacher — and you take the small one (the patient, the child, the nervous teddy). Follow their script.

  3. Don’t teach or correct; play it through as they direct, even if it isn’t how it “really” went. Repetition is the point — they may want to do it again and again.

  4. Reflect feelings through the toy rather than at the child: “Teddy feels a bit scared of the big chair… what would help Teddy be brave?”

  5. Let the child decide how it ends — often they’ll rework it so the teddy is brave, the storm passes, everyone is safe.

Variation: match the scenario to whatever is live in the child’s world, and swap roles on different days (child as doctor one day, as patient the next). Read a relevant picture book first, then play it. For an upcoming event, play it out a few times beforehand to rehearse what will happen.

Requirements

  • Space: Anywhere — a corner of a room or a tabletop
  • Surface: Floor or table
  • Materials: A doll or a few stuffed animals and a few safe props (a toy doctor kit, a box for the office); none needed for pure role-play
  • Participants: 1 child with you, or a child alone with dolls and animals
  • Supervision: Light but emotionally attentive — follow the child's lead and stay tuned to how they're feeling

Rationale & Objective

Erikson saw children’s play as the ego’s workshop for mastering experience — “play is the most natural method of self-healing that childhood affords” (Erikson, 1950). By re-enacting a doctor’s visit, a haircut, or a new sibling, usually with dolls or by taking the powerful role themselves, a child turns a passive, overwhelming experience into something they actively direct, rehearse, and can even re-end on their own terms. Vygotsky’s frame applies too: pretending to be the doctor or the parent means obeying the rules of that role, so even emotional rehearsal carries the self-regulating structure of pretend play. Singer and Singer (1990) document this “healing function” of imaginative play, and Russ’s work with the Affect in Play Scale links pretend play to emotional expression, regulation, and coping (a measured, correlational link, not a guarantee).

The American Academy of Pediatrics frames play as a buffer against stress — “in the presence of childhood adversity, play becomes even more important” — and a builder of resilience and self-regulation (Yogman et al., 2018). One honest and important boundary: this kind of play supports ordinary coping and the rehearsal of everyday or upcoming events; it is not a treatment for trauma. Replaying genuine trauma is work for a qualified professional, and the safety notes say so plainly. Used well, “Playing It Out” targets this subdomain’s examples of elaborate scenarios and sustaining a role, links strongly to emotional development, and supports the EYFS speaking goal and Head Start ELOF goals for emotional expression and imaginative play.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: imitates a single action (holds a toy phone to the ear, ‘injects’ a teddy once) with little sequence or narrative, and may not connect it to the real event
  • Developing: replays a short sequence (‘knock, sit, open mouth, sticker’) and labels the roles (‘I’m the dentist’), using object substitution (a block is the otoscope)
  • Proficient: reworks the event with a changed or empowered ending — the doll is brave, the child is the one in charge, the storm passes and everyone is safe — and sustains the scenario for several minutes, sometimes with a partner
  • Advanced: narrates feelings and takes more than one viewpoint (’the baby was scared but then happy; the doctor was being kind’), plans the play (‘first the waiting room, then…’), negotiates roles with peers, and can replay an upcoming event in order to prepare for it

Safety Notes

  • Follow the child’s lead — offer the props and the opening, but let the child choose whether, when, and how to replay an event; never direct or insist
  • Never force the replay of a frightening or traumatic event; if a child avoids it, that is information, not failure
  • Watch for distress signals — escalating fear, repetitive stuck re-enactment that increases rather than eases anxiety, or sleep and behavior changes — and if you see them, stop and seek a pediatrician, child psychologist, or play therapist; re-enacting real trauma is therapeutic work for trained professionals
  • Keep medical and role props safe — no real or sharp instruments, no real medicines or syringes, and no small parts that could choke a younger sibling

Hints

  • Playfulness: stay in role and let the story carry any reassurance — being a kind, slightly bumbling patient teddy teaches far more than a lecture about being brave at the dentist.
  • Sustain interest: follow whatever is live in the child’s world right now, swap who plays which role on different days, give the teddies different ‘problems’ to solve, and read a relevant story first, then play it.
  • Common mistake: turning the play into a lesson (reciting facts at the child instead of staying in the story), dismissing or correcting feelings (’there’s nothing to be scared of’), taking over how it ends, or breaking the pretend frame to explain — let the child own the resolution.
  • Limited space / no equipment: all you need is one doll or stuffed animal, or just two voices and your hands; a cardboard box becomes the doctor’s office, and role-play with no props at all works fine (‘you be the barber, I’ll be you’).
  • Cross-domain: naming feelings and reworking endings builds emotional literacy and coping; sequencing the event grows narrative language and perspective-taking; negotiating roles develops social skill; and standing a block in for a thermometer is symbolic thinking.
  • Progression: imitate one action → replay a short remembered sequence → add feeling words → change or empower the ending → rehearse an upcoming event beforehand → take and voice several viewpoints with a peer.

Sources

  • Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. W. W. Norton (play as the child’s means of mastering experience)
  • Vygotsky, L. S. (1967). “Play and its role in the mental development of the child.” Soviet Psychology, 5(3), 6–18
  • Singer, D. G. & Singer, J. L. (1990). The House of Make-Believe: Children’s Play and the Developing Imagination. Harvard University Press
  • Russ, S. W. (2004). Play in Child Development and Psychotherapy: Toward Empirically Supported Practice. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates (the Affect in Play Scale)
  • Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K. & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). “The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children.” Pediatrics, 142(3), e20182058
  • UK EYFS — Communication and Language — Speaking ELG (express their ideas and feelings about their experiences using full sentences)
  • Head Start ELOF — Goal P-SE 6 (expresses a broad range of emotions and recognizes these emotions in self and others)
  • Head Start ELOF — Goal P-ATL 13 (child uses imagination in play and interactions with others)
  • HighScope KDI 43 (pretend play, Creative Arts)