A small decorated box where the child draws or dictates their worries, then parks them. Once a day at a brief worry- time the adult opens the box and the child decides which worries are still worries. Externalises anxiety so it doesn’t run continuously in the child’s head — a developmentally adapted CBT technique used for separation anxiety, bedtime fears, and general worry at age 5.
- Make the box together. Decorate a shoebox, jar, or small wooden box with the child. Cut a slot in the top. Give it a name (Worry Box, Worry Monster, Parking Lot for Big Thoughts). Ownership matters.
- Introduce the idea. “Everyone has worries. Worries don’t like being stuck in your head — they like to come out. We’re going to give them a box where they can rest.”
- When a worry comes up (bedtime is the common spike), invite: “Want to put it in the box? You can draw it or tell me and I’ll write it.” At age 5, drawing usually works better than dictating — the gesture of putting it down is the regulation.
- Drop the paper in. Close the lid. “It’s resting now. We’ll check on it tomorrow at worry-time.” Tomorrow must actually come — that promise is load-bearing.
- Hold a brief daily worry-time (5 minutes maximum, same time each day — after lunch or after school works well). Open the box, look at each paper. Ask: “Is this still a worry today?” Three options: (a) still a worry → talk for one minute, then back in the box; (b) not a worry anymore → ceremonially crumple and recycle; (c) needs a grown-up plan → make a tiny plan together (“If you feel scared at school, squeeze the dragon in your pocket”).
- Honour worries you can’t fix. Some worries (death, illness, a parent leaving for work) can’t be solved. The box is not a magic eraser — it is a place to put the worry down for a while. Name it: “This worry doesn’t go away. But you don’t have to carry it all day.”
Variation: a worry-monster puppet with a zipper mouth that “eats” the worry paper (children love this); a family worry box where parents also put their low-stakes worries and model the practice; a gratitude box alongside for balance — at worry-time also pull one “happy” paper and notice what went right.
Requirements
- Space: A shelf, bedside, or kitchen counter for the box
- Surface: A small table or shelf for the daily worry-time check-in
- Materials: A shoebox, jar, or small wooden box; decorating materials (stickers, paint, markers); slips of paper and a pencil or crayons; optional worry-monster puppet with a zipper mouth
- Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; siblings can each have their own box
- Supervision: Light — adult facilitates the daily worry-time and respects what the child puts in
Rationale & Objective
Externalising worries — writing or drawing them, then physically setting them aside — is a developmentally adapted version of the CBT technique called worry postponement, originally developed for adult Generalised Anxiety Disorder (Borkovec, Wilkinson, Folensbee & Lerman, 1983). Adapted for children, it is embedded in evidence-based programs including Kendall & Hedtke’s Coping Cat (2006), Barrett’s FRIENDS for Life (2005), and Rapee’s Cool Little Kids (Rapee et al., 2005) — the latter showing significant reductions in anxiety symptoms in preschool-age inhibited children. Hirshfeld-Becker et al. (2010) extended CBT to ages 4–7 in a randomised trial. The technique works through several mechanisms: separation of self from worry (the worry is a thing in a box, not a fact about me), interruption of rumination loops, practising the cognitive habit of “I’ll think about that later,” and — perhaps most importantly — adult acknowledgement that the worry is real without immediate problem-solving (which often shuts down a child’s emotional processing). Children’s worries are developmentally appropriate around age 5 — dark, separation, bodily injury, animals, “what-if” anxieties — and the box gives the child a structured way to carry them. Honest caveat: the box is a regulating tool, not a treatment. Persistent worry that interferes with sleep, school, or friendships beyond a few weeks deserves a pediatrician or child psychologist consult, not just more box.
Progress Indicators
- Early: doesn’t engage with the box; cannot articulate worries; cries or freezes when asked “what are you worried about?”; needs the adult to name candidate worries and ask “is this one?”
- Developing: draws or dictates 1–2 worries with adult support; willing to “park” them in the box; revisits during worry-time with reluctance
- Proficient: independently goes to the box when a worry rises; names 3+ feelings or worries in own words; understands the parking concept and self-soothes by putting it down
- Advanced: uses the idea of the box without needing the physical object (“I’ll put that one in my mental box”); helps a sibling identify and park a worry; differentiates between worries that need a plan and worries that just need to rest
Safety Notes
- Critical: a worry about abuse, self-harm, suicide, or being hurt by someone is not for the box — it requires immediate adult acknowledgement and a professional consult. Have a plan for what you do if such a worry appears (pediatrician, child therapist, school counsellor)
- Do not dismiss a worry as silly (“That’s not a real worry”) — the dismissal teaches the child to hide future worries from you
- Do not force the box on a child who doesn’t want it; some kids prefer to talk, others prefer to draw; offer, don’t impose
- Be careful about the promise to revisit — if you say “worry-time tomorrow,” tomorrow must actually come; broken promises around worry erode trust faster than almost any other parenting move
- For separation anxiety specifically, the box can backfire if it focuses the child on separation worries; use briefly and watch whether overall anxiety is decreasing
- If worry frequency or intensity is rising over weeks despite the box, escalate — the box is intake, not treatment. AAP / NIMH recommend a clinical consult for sleep disruption, school refusal, or daily distress lasting beyond 4–6 weeks
- Do not read aloud private worries to other family members without the child’s permission; the box is the child’s
- Avoid using the box as a containment of feelings (“put it away and don’t think about it anymore”) — the goal is processing, not suppression
Hints
- Playfulness: a worry-monster puppet that “eats” worries is a 5-year-old favourite; let the child decorate the box elaborately; designate a special pencil that’s only for worry-writing
- Sustain interest: rotate the worry-time location (sofa, garden, kitchen table); pair with a calming snack or warm-drink ritual; some families add a “happy thought” box alongside for balance
- Common mistake: turning worry-time into a long, anxious deep-dive (5 minutes max — longer rehearses the worry); skipping promised worry-time (breaks trust); over-problem-solving (“we just need to fix this!”) instead of acknowledging; dismissing small worries (teaches concealment); leaving the box accessible to siblings (privacy matters)
- Limited space: an envelope taped on the fridge works; a single small jar on the bedside table; for travel, a notebook page can be the “box”; oral version — “tell me your worry, I’ll hold it for you” with a gesture of placing it in your pocket
- Cross-domain: drawing the worry (visual arts + interoception); writing the keyword for the worry (early writing); identifying body sensations of worry (interoception); reading books about characters who worry — Wemberly Worried, Wilma Jean the Worry Machine (bibliotherapy + literacy); make-a-plan thinking when a worry needs action (problem-solving + executive function)
- Progression: parent identifies and writes the worry → child dictates → child draws → child writes the keyword → daily worry-time fades to weekly → child uses internal “park it” without the box → child distinguishes worries that need a plan from worries that just need rest
Sources
- Borkovec, T. D., Wilkinson, L., Folensbee, R. & Lerman, C. (1983). "Stimulus control applications to the treatment of worry." Behaviour Research and Therapy, 21(3), 247–251 (original worry-postponement protocol)
- Kendall, P. C. & Hedtke, K. A. (2006). *Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Anxious Children: Therapist Manual* (3rd ed., Coping Cat). Workbook Publishing
- Rapee, R. M., Kennedy, S., Ingram, M., Edwards, S. & Sweeney, L. (2005). "Prevention and early intervention of anxiety disorders in inhibited preschool children." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(3), 488–497 — Cool Little Kids RCT
- Barrett, P. M. (2005). *FRIENDS for Life: Group Leader's Manual for Children*. Australian Academic Press
- Hirshfeld-Becker, D. R., Masek, B., Henin, A. et al. (2010). "Cognitive behavioral therapy for 4- to 7-year-old children with anxiety disorders: A randomized clinical trial." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(4), 498–510
- March, J. S. & Mulle, K. (1998). *OCD in Children and Adolescents: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Manual*. Guilford — externalisation techniques
- Higa-McMillan, C. K., Francis, S. E., Rith-Najarian, L. & Chorpita, B. F. (2016). "Evidence base update: 50 years of research on treatment for child and adolescent anxiety." Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 45(2), 91–113
- James, A. C., Reardon, T., Soler, A., James, G. & Creswell, C. (2020). "Cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety disorders in children and adolescents." Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews
- Huberty, T. J. (2012). *Anxiety and Depression in Children and Adolescents: Assessment, Intervention, and Prevention*. Springer
- American Academy of Pediatrics — HealthyChildren.org guidance on childhood anxiety and when to consult a clinician
- NIMH — "When Fear and Worries Don't Go Away: Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents" (NIH Publication)
- Head Start ELOF — Social and Emotional Development (Emotional Functioning — coping with stress)
- CASEL — Self-Awareness and Self-Management competencies (identifying emotions; stress management)