Plan B Detectives

A playful habit of hunting for a “Plan B” whenever the thing the child wanted doesn’t happen — the park is closed, it’s the red cup not the blue, the friend cancelled, it’s raining on beach day. Instead of the disappointment being the end, it becomes a detective case: “Plan A is out… what could Plan B be?”

  1. Practise on pretend problems first (not mid-meltdown). Over snack: “Pretend we wanted to build a sandcastle but there’s no sand. What’s our Plan B?” Make it a fun brainstorm — the sillier the ideas, the better. Quantity over quality; no idea is wrong.
  2. Give it a name and a gesture. “Plan A… didn’t work. Time for Plan B!” with a detective magnifying-glass mime, or a hand-flip like turning a pancake (“flip it!”). The ritual makes the pivot feel like a move you make, not a defeat that happens to you.
  3. When a real disappointment hits, validate first, then pivot. “You really wanted the blue cup. That’s a bummer.” Then, once the feeling is heard: “Okay, detectives — what’s our Plan B?” Order matters: feelings first, problem-solving second. A child who doesn’t feel heard can’t think flexibly.
  4. Let the child generate the alternatives. Offer two of your own only if they’re stuck (“We could use the green cup, or make the blue cup magic tomorrow — your turn, what else?”). The goal is their flexible thinking, not your solution.
  5. Name the pivot afterwards. “Plan A was the park. It was shut. You found Plan B — the playground — and it turned out great. You’re getting good at Plan B.”

Variation: a Plan B jar or spinner of pre-brainstormed alternatives for predictable letdowns. Pretend-play twists — mid-game, introduce a problem (“oh no, the bridge is broken!”) and let the child invent a way around it, building the same flexibility in a safe, fictional frame. Read books where characters adapt, and spot the Plan B together.

Requirements

  • Space: Anywhere — kitchen table, car, out and about
  • Surface: None needed
  • Materials: None required; optional "Plan B" jar or spinner with picture alternatives for common situations
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; works in small groups too
  • Supervision: Light — adult validates the feeling, then prompts and coaches the brainstorm

Rationale & Objective

Adapting when a desired activity is unavailable is cognitive flexibility — a core executive function that lets a child shift gears when reality doesn’t match expectation, and a predictor of later coping and school readiness (Diamond & Lee, 2011). Between three and five, children are just developing the capacity to hold a second possibility in mind, so flexibility is genuinely teachable now (Child Mind Institute). The sequence is the active ingredient: validate the emotion before problem-solving. A disappointed five-year-old is in limbic overdrive, and the flexible-thinking parts of the brain come back online only once the feeling is acknowledged — Siegel’s “name it to tame it” (Siegel & Bryson, 2012) and the opening steps of Devereux’s FLIP IT (Feelings, Limits, Inquiries, Prompts). Generating multiple alternatives — quantity over quality — is divergent-thinking practice that loosens rigid, all-or-nothing expectations. Framing the pivot as a named move the child makes (“Plan B!”) gives agency over the disappointment rather than being flooded by it — the heart of the subdomain example “adapts when a desired activity is unavailable.” Pretend play is an especially powerful rehearsal space: inserting and solving fictional problems exercises flexible thinking with none of the real-world stakes (Lillard et al., 2013).

Progress Indicators

  • Early: a thwarted plan triggers a full meltdown; rigidly fixated on the exact thing wanted; cannot consider any alternative while upset
  • Developing: still upset, but with the adult’s “Plan B?” prompt can accept an alternative the adult offers; brainstorms freely in calm, pretend practice
  • Proficient: recovers from small disappointments within a few minutes; generates one or two of their own Plan B ideas when prompted; uses the “Plan B” language
  • Advanced: spontaneously pivots (“the swing’s taken — I’ll go on the slide first”); offers Plan Bs to other upset children; treats obstacles as puzzles rather than disasters

Safety Notes

  • Validate before redirecting — jumping straight to “let’s find a Plan B” mid-flood feels dismissive and backfires; the feeling has to be heard first
  • Plan B is for genuinely interchangeable disappointments, not for over-riding a child’s reasonable “no” about their body or safety — don’t let it become a way to talk them out of every feeling
  • Keep early practice clearly pretend and low-stakes; rehearsing flexibility on a real, big disappointment is too hard at first
  • Don’t demand gratitude for Plan B (“you should be happy with the green cup!”) — acceptance, not enforced cheerfulness, is the goal

Hints

  • Playfulness: the detective frame (magnifying glass, “the case of the closed park”) or a “flip it” pancake-flip gesture makes the pivot fun; brainstorm deliberately silly Plan Bs to break the tension
  • Sustain interest: keep a running “Plan B Hall of Fame” of clever pivots the child invented; use a spinner or jar for variety; spot Plan Bs in story books and films
  • Common mistake: problem-solving before validating the feeling; solving it for them instead of letting them generate ideas; using Plan B to dismiss feelings (“just be flexible!”)
  • Limited space / no equipment: this is entirely verbal — the car, the queue, and the dinner table are perfect practice grounds
  • Cross-domain: brainstorming builds divergent thinking and language; the pretend-play version builds imagination and narrative; naming feelings builds emotional literacy; weighing options builds early decision-making
  • Progression: pretend/silly practice → adult offers the Plan B → adult prompts, child generates → child pivots independently on small letdowns → child helps others find their Plan B

Sources

  • Diamond, A. & Lee, K. (2011). “Interventions shown to aid executive function development in children 4 to 12 years old.” Science, 333(6045), 959–964 — cognitive flexibility
  • Siegel, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child. Bantam — “name it to tame it”; engaging the upstairs brain
  • Child Mind Institute — “Helping Kids Who Struggle With Flexible Thinking” (practical strategies, including brainstorming Plan B)
  • Lillard, A. S., Lerner, M. D., Hopkins, E. J., Dore, R. A., Smith, E. D. & Palmquist, C. M. (2013). “The impact of pretend play on children’s development: A review of the evidence.” Psychological Bulletin, 139(1), 1–34
  • Devereux Center for Resilient Children — FLIP IT! strategy (Feelings, Limits, Inquiries, Prompts) for transforming challenging behaviour
  • CASEL — Self-Management (adapting to change) and Responsible Decision-Making (generating alternatives)
  • Head Start ELOF — Approaches to Learning (P-ATL 8: flexibility; adjusting to changes)
  • Polish Podstawa Programowa (Emocjonalny) — coping with difficult emotions and adapting to new situations