Kind Wishes — Sending Warm Thoughts

A two-minute quiet ritual in which the child sends kind wishes — first to themselves, then to someone they love, then to someone who had a hard day.

  1. Sit or lie comfortably together — bedtime works well. Each put a hand on your own chest and take two slow breaths.
  2. Start with yourself. Say together, slowly: “May I be happy. May I be safe. May I feel loved.”
  3. Ask the child to picture someone they love — “Can you see Grandpa’s face?” — and send the wishes to him: “May you be happy. May you be safe. May you feel loved.”
  4. Now ask: “Was anyone having a hard time today?” A friend who cried at drop-off, a sibling with a cold, a character in tonight’s story. Send the same wishes to them.
  5. Let the child add one wish of their own that fits that person — “May your knee stop hurting”, “May you find someone to play with.”
  6. Finish by asking: “Is there something kind we could actually do for them tomorrow?” If an idea comes, great; if not, the wish is enough.

Variation: blow the wishes like bubbles or dandelion seeds toward the person’s house, or draw the wish and keep it in a “wish envelope” for them.

Requirements

  • Space: A bed, sofa or cushion
  • Surface: Soft and comfortable
  • Materials: None
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; siblings can join
  • Supervision: Active — the adult leads the words until the child knows them

Rationale & Objective

This is a child-sized version of the kindness practices at the heart of the mindfulness-based Kindness Curriculum for preschoolers developed at the Center for Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin–Madison. In a randomised trial, children who took part in the 12-week classroom curriculum showed greater gains in teacher-rated social competence, while children in the control group became more selfish on a sticker-sharing task over the year (Flook, Goldberg, Pinger & Davidson, 2015). The authors note the study was small and needs replication, and a short bedtime ritual is not the full curriculum — but the ingredient is the same: regularly bringing another person’s situation to mind with warmth. Asking “who had a hard time today?” trains the child to scan their day for others’ feelings, and the closing question connects feeling to action. Siegel & Bryson (The Whole-Brain Child) likewise recommend helping children look beyond the “me” to the “we” as part of building mindsight.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: repeats the words after you; picks only favourite people; cannot think of anyone who had a hard time
  • Developing: says the wishes mostly independently and, with a prompt (“What about at kindergarten?”), recalls someone who was sad or hurt
  • Proficient: spontaneously names someone who struggled that day, adds a fitting wish of their own, and sometimes suggests something to do for them
  • Advanced: includes people they find difficult or do not know well, asks to send wishes on their own initiative, and follows through on the kind idea next day

Safety Notes

  • Never insist that a child send wishes to someone who has hurt or frightened them; that step is optional and only on the child’s initiative
  • If thinking about someone’s hard time worries the child (an ill grandparent, a sad story), shorten the ritual, reassure them that grown-ups are taking care of it, and end with wishes for themselves
  • Keep it short — two to three minutes. Forcing stillness on a restless child turns kindness into a chore
  • Persistent bedtime worries about other people’s safety are worth mentioning to your pediatrician

Hints

  • Playfulness: let the child choose how the wishes travel tonight — by rocket, by owl, by paper aeroplane — and make the whooshing sound together
  • Sustain interest: keep a rotating “wish list” — one family member, one friend, one animal, one person you only saw in passing, such as the bus driver
  • Common mistake: rushing through it as a recitation. One person pictured vividly is worth more than a list of ten names
  • Limited space: needs none — do it in the car, on a walk, or while waiting in a queue with eyes open
  • Cross-domain: the slow breaths are a calming, self-regulation routine; recalling who had a hard time exercises memory for the day’s events
  • Progression: wishes for self and a loved one → someone who had a hard day → someone they do not know well → someone they had a quarrel with (only if the child offers)

Sources

  • Flook, L., Goldberg, S. B., Pinger, L. & Davidson, R. J. (2015). “Promoting prosocial behavior and self-regulatory skills in preschool children through a mindfulness-based Kindness Curriculum.” Developmental Psychology, 51(1), 44–51
  • Center for Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin–Madison — Kindness Curriculum for preschoolers (free curriculum materials)
  • Siegel, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child. Delacorte Press — integrating self and other (“me” and “we”)
  • Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L. & Knafo-Noam, A. (2015). “Prosocial development.” In Handbook of Child Psychology and Developmental Science (7th ed., Vol. 3). Wiley
  • CASEL — Social Awareness competency (demonstrating empathy and compassion; showing concern for the feelings of others)