A short rotated mix of cooperative games (everyone wins or loses together) and simple competitive turn-taking games, used to scaffold disappointment, turn-waiting, and good sportsmanship. Adult names feelings as they arise — the regulation rehearsal is the game.
- Pick two games for the night. One cooperative (Hoot Owl Hoot, Outfoxed, Race to the Treasure, The Mountain), one competitive (Candy Land, Uno Junior, dominoes, memory). Total time under 25 minutes.
- Pre-game agreement. “When the game ends, sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Both are okay. What can we do if we feel disappointed?” Let the child generate options (take a breath, ask for a hug, pick the next game).
- Start with the cooperative game. Narrate the team identity: “We’re all owls. We win together, we lose together.” Warms up the social muscle without competitive load.
- Move to the competitive game. Model out-loud regulation when you lose a turn or a hand: “Oh, I drew a red — I have to go back. I feel a little frustrated. Deep breath. Your turn.”
- Name feelings live, don’t lecture. When the child looks crushed: “You really wanted that card. That’s disappointing.” Pause. Wait. Don’t rush to fix or distract — labelling alone often lets the wave pass.
- End ritual. Win or lose: “Good game” handshake or high-five. Brief debrief: “What was a fun part? What was a hard part?”
Variation: week 1 cooperative-only; week 2 add one short competitive game; week 3 a turn-taking game where the adult sometimes loses on purpose and models recovery; week 4 the child picks the games. Try rule variations so the child practises flexibility too (“we play winner-loses tonight”).
Requirements
- Space: A table or floor area large enough for the chosen game and 2+ players
- Surface: Tabletop or carpet
- Materials: One cooperative board game + one simple competitive board game (any from the list above); kitchen timer optional
- Participants: 2+ players — adult plus child works; siblings, grandparents, and playdates scale well
- Supervision: Moderate — adult plays alongside *and* coaches feelings throughout
Rationale & Objective
Rotating cooperative and competitive games gives a 5-year-old repeated, low-stakes reps of the micro-skills the CASEL framework calls self-management (managing emotions, impulse control) and relationship skills (turn-taking, conflict management). Cooperative games (Peaceable Kingdom titles, Outfoxed) externalise the opponent, so feelings of loss don’t attach to a peer; competitive games then re-introduce that valence with an adult present to coach disappointment in real time. Garaigordobil’s twenty-year program of cooperative-game interventions has shown medium effect sizes on prosocial behaviour and self-control. The AAP’s “Power of Play” clinical report (Yogman et al., 2018) explicitly endorses play as a vehicle for self- regulation. Honest caveat: Eriksson et al. (2021) found that in 4-to-6-year-olds, game format alone (cooperative vs. competitive) didn’t differentiate prosocial outcomes in a 6-week trial — what does the work is adult emotion-coaching woven through the play (Gottman’s five-step protocol — notice, treat as opportunity, listen with empathy, label, set limits / problem-solve).
Progress Indicators
- Early: flips the board, leaves the table, cries hard when losing a turn; insists on winning; can’t watch a sibling take a piece
- Developing: stays at the table but pouts or protests; needs adult to name the feeling for them; recovers within a few minutes with co-regulation
- Proficient: says “I’m disappointed” without prompting; finishes a losing game; offers “good game” with prompting; tolerates a sibling’s win
- Advanced: initiates the calming strategy themselves; comforts a peer who lost (“we can play again”); proposes rule modifications for fairness; enjoys competitive games regardless of outcome
Safety Notes
- Risks are emotional, not physical. The most common trap is pairing the child with a more competent older sibling who always wins — that teaches helplessness; match developmentally or handicap the adult
- Adult competitiveness leaks. If you visibly celebrate your wins, you license gloating. Model the loss recovery you want to see
- Pushing through meltdowns to “finish the game” sensitises the child to the activity. Ending early and trying again tomorrow is the right call
- Some 5-year-olds aren’t ready for competitive games at all — start cooperative-only for several weeks before introducing any competition
- Avoid screen-based versions; the value is in the face-to-face emotion coaching, which a screen interrupts
- Don’t deliver a post-game lecture about sportsmanship. The lesson is in the moment-by-moment coaching, not a closing speech
Hints
- Playfulness: name the night (“Friendly Friday,” “Family Game Hour”). A “sportsmanship cape” or homemade trophy adds ritual. Snacks help — a low-stakes shared snack at the table de-stakes the game itself
- Sustain interest: rotate games every few weeks — swap in something new (memory, dominoes, Uno Junior, Sleeping Queens Junior, Sequence for Kids). A small game library that grows by one item every couple of months keeps anticipation up
- Common mistake: letting the child win every time (deprives them of the practice); over-coaching (“remember to be a good sport!”) which adds shame; treating disappointment as misbehaviour to be corrected rather than a feeling to be coached; making the game itself the lesson with a post-game lecture
- Limited space: a card game on a small table for 15 minutes is enough; dominoes works as both turn-taking and matching practice. Travel-sized versions of most board games exist
- Cross-domain: count moves and pieces (numeracy); negotiate rule changes (language + flexibility); take turns being banker or rules-keeper (executive function); read the rules together (literacy)
- Progression: cooperative games only → one cooperative + one luck-based competitive (Candy Land) → adult sometimes loses on purpose → add strategy games (Uno, dominoes) where losing feels more personal → larger-group games with friends → tolerate losing a 30-minute game
Sources
- Garaigordobil, M. (2022). "Developing Children's Creativity and Social-Emotional Competencies through Play: Summary of Twenty Years of Findings of the Evidence-Based Interventions 'Game Program'." International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health
- Eriksson, M., Kenward, B., Poom, L. & Stenberg, G. (2021). "The behavioral effects of cooperative and competitive board games in preschoolers." Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 62(3), 355–364 (honest finding: format alone didn't differ; adult coaching matters more)
- Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K. & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). "The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children." Pediatrics, 142(3): e20182058 (AAP clinical report)
- Gottman, J. & DeClaire, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child — five-step emotion-coaching protocol
- Webster-Stratton, C. — Incredible Years Dinosaur School child curriculum: "playing with friends" and "controlling anger when losing" units
- National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations / CSEFEL — Teaching About Feelings; SuperFriend story (turn-taking, flexibility)
- CASEL (2020). CASEL's SEL Framework — Self-Management and Relationship Skills competencies
- Head Start ELOF — Social and Emotional Development (Relationships with Other Children; Emotional Functioning)