Let's-Play Tickets — Inviting a Friend In

A rehearsal game for the single most useful friendship skill at five — walking up to someone and suggesting something to do together. The child practises a simple three-part invitation with family first, then carries it out into the real world.

  1. Make the tickets. Cut 6–8 paper tickets. On each, the child draws a game for two — ball, blocks, chase, drawing, hide-and-seek, shop.
  2. Teach the three parts. Get close and say the person’s name; wait for them to look; say “Let’s…” plus the idea — “Mia, let’s build a garage!” Model it once with a soft toy.
  3. Deliver tickets at home. The child picks a ticket, finds a family member, and makes the invitation. Say yes enthusiastically and play for two or three minutes.
  4. Practise the “not now”. Agree beforehand that sometimes you will answer “Not right now.” The child’s job is to try one of two moves — offer a different ticket, or ask someone else. Cheer the second try, not the result.
  5. Swap roles. You invite the child. They practise a kind yes and a kind no: “Not now, maybe after snack.”
  6. Take it outside. Before the playground or preschool, ask: “Who might you invite today? What will you say?” Afterwards: “Did you ask anyone to play? What happened?”

Variation: Show-and-offer — instead of words, hold out a second spade or car and say “Want one?”, which is easier for a quieter child. Job offer — add a role to the invitation, “Let’s play café, you can be the cook.”

Requirements

  • Space: Anywhere at home; then playground, park, or preschool
  • Surface: Any
  • Materials: Paper, scissors, and crayons for the tickets; a soft toy for modelling; whatever the ticket games need
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; siblings and other family members make it richer
  • Supervision: Light — adult models, plays along, and debriefs

Rationale & Objective

In the Pyramid Model’s friendship-skills framework, the behaviours that most reliably start and keep play going between young children are play organizers — “Let’s…” suggestions, often with a role attached — along with sharing, helping, and giving compliments (Joseph & Strain). Joseph and Strain describe how these behaviours can be taught directly through modelling, role-play, and practice, and Strain and Odom’s work on peer social initiations — in which classmates were taught to make social overtures to children with disabilities — showed that taught initiations increase real social interaction. Two details in the game are deliberate. Saying the name and waiting for a look secures joint attention — many invitations by 5-year-olds fail simply because the other child never noticed them. And rehearsing “not now” matters because being turned down is ordinary: the children who do well socially are not the ones who are never refused but the ones who try again or try elsewhere. The exercise targets the measure “initiates play with peers 2+ times per day” and the UK EYFS Building Relationships goal of forming friendships with peers.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: hovers near others without speaking, or grabs a toy as a way of joining; needs the adult to say the words; gives up or gets upset at the first “not now”
  • Developing: uses name + “Let’s…” at home with a reminder; sometimes forgets to wait for a look; with coaching tries a second idea after a refusal
  • Proficient: invites family and familiar children without prompting, using the name and a clear idea; handles “not now” by offering something else or asking another child
  • Advanced: invites less familiar children and children playing alone; adds a role to the invitation; answers other children’s invitations kindly, including when the answer is no

Safety Notes

  • Physically safe; the risk is emotional. Never push a hesitant child to approach others in front of an audience — rehearse at home and let the real-world step come when they are ready
  • Do not turn the debrief into a daily quiz or tally; a child who feels graded on friendships starts hiding what happens at preschool
  • Keep stranger rules clear — invitations are for children at preschool, the playground, and family friends while a trusted adult is near
  • Slow-to-warm-up temperament is normal. If your child almost never approaches other children after many months in a group, or is very distressed by doing so, raise it with the teacher or pediatrician

Hints

  • Playfulness: make the tickets look real — punch a hole when one is “used”. Deliver them by paper aeroplane or toy post van
  • Sustain interest: add new tickets as interests change; let the child invite the dog, a grandparent on a video call, or a teddy with a very fussy voice
  • Common mistake: making the invitation for the child (“Go on, ask her — she wants to play, don’t you?”). Coach beforehand and debrief afterwards, but let the child own the moment
  • Limited space: no tickets needed — play it in the car or at bedtime as “What could you say?” with two soft toys
  • Cross-domain: drawing and labelling tickets is early writing; name-wait-speak is attention and conversation practice; accepting “not now” is frustration tolerance
  • Progression: invite a soft toy → invite a parent → cope with “not now” → invite a sibling or familiar friend → invite a child at the playground → invite someone who is on their own

Sources

  • Joseph, G.E. & Strain, P.S., “You’ve Got to Have Friends” — CSEFEL (Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning), Module 2 handout
  • Strain, P.S. & Odom, S.L. (1986), “Peer social initiations”, Exceptional Children
  • National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations — friendship skills (play organizers, sharing, helping, compliments)
  • CASEL — Relationship Skills competency
  • UK EYFS — PSED, Building Relationships early learning goal
  • Teaching Strategies GOLD Objective 2 — interacts with peers, makes friends