Watch, Match, Join — Getting Into the Game

A toy-figure rehearsal of how to join children who are already playing — a harder skill than starting a game, and one that 5-year-olds face many times a day. The child learns a three-step entry and what to do when the answer is no.

  1. Set the scene. Put two toy figures or soft toys in the middle of a game — building a zoo, running a café. A third figure, the “newcomer”, stands at the edge.
  2. Show two ways that flop. Play them out with funny voices. The Crasher barges in and changes the game (“No, let’s play dinosaurs!”). The Hoverer stands silently nearby and nobody notices. Ask: “What happened? How did the others feel?”
  3. Teach Watch, Match, Join. Watch — look first and work out what the game is. Match — do something that fits, close by (pick up a block, say “That’s a tall tower”). Join — offer something the game needs: “I can be the zookeeper,” “Do you need more bricks?”
  4. Child plays the newcomer. Run it three or four times with different games. You voice the players.
  5. Play a “no”. Sometimes the players say “We’re already full.” Teach the two back-up moves — offer another role (“I could be a customer”) or find a different game and come back later.
  6. Do it for real. At home, have the child join you and a sibling, or you and another adult, mid-task — cooking, a puzzle, sorting laundry — using the same three steps.

Variation: Spot the game — at the playground, watch a group from a bench and guess together what they are playing and which job might be free. Other side — the child plays one of the busy players and practises saying “Yes, you can be the…”.

Requirements

  • Space: A floor or table corner; later a playground bench
  • Surface: Any
  • Materials: 3–4 toy figures or soft toys; a few blocks or play food for the scene
  • Participants: 1 adult + 1 child; a sibling can play the group
  • Supervision: Light — adult voices the characters and coaches

Rationale & Objective

Research on peer group entry is unusually consistent. Children who are well liked tend to approach a group by first working out what it is doing and then contributing something that fits the group’s frame of reference; children who are disliked more often redirect attention to themselves, disagree, or change the subject (Putallaz & Gottman, 1981; Dodge et al., 1983). Dodge and colleagues described a low-risk sequence — wait and watch, imitate the group’s activity, then make a group-oriented statement — which is exactly what Watch, Match, Join encodes. Corsaro’s nursery school observations add a reassuring fact for parents: first attempts to get into ongoing play are resisted very often, because children are protecting a game that is fragile, not rejecting the person; the successful children are the ones who try another tactic. Rehearsing with figures lets the child see the scene from outside before having to manage it from inside. The other-side variation borrows the spirit of Vivian Paley’s classroom rule “you can’t say you can’t play”. The exercise builds toward sustained cooperative play and GOLD objective 2c.

Progress Indicators

  • Early: joins by grabbing materials or announcing a new game, or stays at the edge without a move; cannot yet say what the others are playing
  • Developing: can name the game after watching; uses an entry line with a prompt in the toy scene; is discouraged by the first “no”
  • Proficient: in real play, watches briefly and then offers a fitting role or help; after a refusal tries a second role or moves on calmly
  • Advanced: picks the right moment to enter (a pause, a missing role); makes room for other newcomers when they are the one already playing; can explain the three steps to a younger child

Safety Notes

  • Low physical risk; the cautions are emotional
  • Keep the Crasher and Hoverer clearly as toy characters — never say “that’s what you do”, which turns a skill lesson into shame
  • Do not rehearse straight after a real rejection while feelings are raw; comfort first and practise on another day
  • Occasional exclusion is part of ordinary play. Repeated, targeted exclusion by the same children is different — tell the teacher rather than coaching the child to keep trying
  • If your child is persistently unable to enter play or seems not to notice what other children are doing, discuss it with the preschool and your pediatrician

Hints

  • Playfulness: ham up the Crasher — a stomping dinosaur who knocks the zoo over — and let the child be the one to tell him what to do instead
  • Sustain interest: change the scene each time (pirate ship, hospital, building site) and let the child set it up; add a tricky player who says no twice
  • Common mistake: teaching “Can I play?” as the only line. It invites a flat “No”. An offer that fits the game is much harder to refuse
  • Limited space: draw three stick figures on paper, or tell it as a bedtime story about the newcomer and ask what she should try next
  • Cross-domain: working out what others are playing is perspective-taking; inventing a fitting role is pretend-play flexibility; waiting to enter is impulse control
  • Progression: toy scene with a friendly group → toy scene with a “no” → joining family mid-task → joining one familiar child → joining a pair → joining a larger playground game

Sources

  • Putallaz, M. & Gottman, J.M. (1981), “An interactional model of children’s entry into peer groups”, Child Development
  • Dodge, K.A., Schlundt, D.C., Schocken, I. & Delugach, J.D. (1983), “Social competence and children’s sociometric status — the role of peer group entry strategies”, Merrill-Palmer Quarterly
  • Corsaro, W.A. (1979), “‘We’re friends, right?’ — children’s use of access rituals in a nursery school”, Language in Society
  • Putallaz, M. & Wasserman, A. (1989), “Children’s naturalistic entry behavior and sociometric status”, Developmental Psychology
  • Paley, V.G. (1992) — You Can’t Say You Can’t Play, Harvard University Press
  • Teaching Strategies GOLD Objective 2c — interacts with peers